While popular stories such as 50 Shades of Grey perpetuate the idea that something has to have happened to you for you to be into BDSM, this is not necessarily the case. Everything from people wanting to spice up their sex life to curiosity, to knowing who you are and what you want, are all part of the spectrum of reasons that people get into BDSM.

How to get into BDSM?

Everyone has their own sort of kinky ideas. Whatever your boundary is, that’s your flavor.

So the first thing you need to do to get into BDSM is to accept it, embrace it and make the conceptual jump between being normal and other. You can explore it by yourself, research online, fantasize about it and play with it.

The next step is to share it with someone. It’s good to have a fantasy in your head, but acting it with someone you trust is more exciting. Whatever play you are starting up, there has to be trust and boundaries. You have to trust your partner. It doesn’t have to be your lifetime partner, it could be someone that you’ve met on a forum or anyone who has similar interest.

It’s also important to know that wherever you go, with your sexual curiosities, with your erotic fantasies and you bring it into real life, there is a huge amount of communication skills and you need to be emotionally mature to do what you’re doing.

Acknowledge that there’s something you like and try to bring it into your life.

Can you be casual and do BDSM?

When it comes to representations of the BDSM world, be it fiction, erotica or mass media, there is this idea that BDSM becomes your whole being. Some say when you do BDSM, it becomes your life because it is who you are and therefore you must be doing it actively.

Truth be told, you don’t have to join a dungeon. You don’t have to be part of your local community or have a full restraint set under your bed and you don’t have to be in a 24/7 total power exchange relationship and be naked all hours of the day just to be part of the world of BDSM.

BDSM is not always about being a complete high protocol mode. The most rewarding parts of BDSM are not necessarily the hours of exhaustive prep work, but rather to form your own relationship and changing how you interact with your partner on a daily basis. For casual BDSM, those little moments are mundane actions and can be done in simple ways.